BFF Breakup (mix) Page 12

  “Come on,” Lily said. “Ice cream’s on me.”

  I went into the shop thinking, This is how friends treat friends: there for you no matter what.

  25 MADELINE

  I STARED AT MY COMPUTER ALL WEEKEND, waiting for a reply from Brooke. Why wasn’t she responding? Didn’t she want this whole thing to be over too? Didn’t she care about our friendship?

  As the hours, then the whole weekend, went by without a word from her, I had to decide that that was it. I’d done what I could to fix the whole stupid mess; she’d done nothing to fix the whole stupid mess, so I guess we weren’t talking indefinitely.

  I was surprised, to be honest. Sad and surprised. I guess I never thought Brooke would give up so easily. I did most of the work for her on mending things between us—extending the olive branch and all—but she couldn’t just write back and say, “Me, too. Sorry.” Instead she gave me total cyber silence.

  I did not want to get depressed over her. Like I didn’t have enough going on in my life? I hadn’t heard from my mom in five days because she was getting “settled” in her new apartment. The house was still and lonely with everyone with a car staying out of it as much as possible. Whatever, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about home and I didn’t care about Mom and I certainly didn’t care about Brooke. I had my new friends who understood what I was going through and who stood by me, no matter what.

  Still, as I got dressed for school on Monday, I slipped the treasure box necklace she’d given me around my neck. I dropped it inside my shirt so she wouldn’t see it.

  When I got to school I decided I wasn’t going to purposely try to avoid seeing Brooke in the halls or at our locker. I was just going to carry on with my normal routine as though she didn’t exist. Why should I go out of my way to avoid her when she couldn’t be bothered to respond to me?

  At my locker before first period, I took my time getting my books, looking for a pen, pulling out crumpled papers to see if anything important was written on them, and checking my hair in my mirror.

  “’Scuse me,” a voice said.

  Without looking at her, I stepped aside so she could get into her locker below mine. Thank god I kept the top locker. It was actually kind of sad seeing her kneel below me.

  “Tell me what’s next,” I heard Susanna say. Today she wore a pleated blue skirt and a headband to match.

  “Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”

  “I’ll tell you what’s up, what’s next,” she said. “Shopping. My darling, the fall semi is happening in one week, and we are going, and we will look amazing. What are you doing today after school?”

  “Nothing,” I said, and I had to admit I was glad Susanna was a) not acknowledging Brooke, who was just finishing up at the locker and shuffling away; and b) that she invited me to do something right in front of Brooke. That’ll show her that I don’t need her. She can not respond to me all day if she wants.

  “Want to shop? My mom is taking me, and I think Natalie and Julia are coming too. Or we can just go by ourselves if you’d rather.”

  “I’ll have to ask my dad,” I said. “I’ll need his credit card or something.”

  “Or we can go tomorrow. Whatevs,” she said, and it was all so easy. Today, tomorrow, it didn’t matter. We were friends, making plans, la la la. I shut my locker and we started down the hall together. “And there she goes,” Susanna said, referring to Brooke just turning the corner. “She scurries like a mouse. Still not talking to her?”

  “Nope. That’s all done now.” I made sure to sound like I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to mention the e-mail I sent on Friday. No freaking way.

  “You’re better off,” Susanna said. “She was totally trying to bring you down.”

  “I know,” I said, tugging on the chain of my necklace. “So lame.”

  “I really don’t get why she thinks she’s better than everyone else. I heard her family lives in a lean-to and is on the verge of food stamps.”

  I forced a smile and said, “Practically. I think she plans to go to beauty school and work in a strip mall some day.”

  Susanna laughed. “Can you imagine, her working on your outer beauty? Look at her!” Brooke had already turned the corner, but we laughed anyway.

  The words began falling out of my mouth before I could even stop them. I said, “What do you expect from someone who would kiss Chris Meyers?”

  Susanna stopped in the middle of the hall and said, in a very loud voice, “Excuse me?”

  I regretted it instantly. She’d never believe me if I said I was lying, so I knew my only hope was to pretend like it wasn’t a big deal and hope she didn’t tell Natalie and Julia.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Pretty gross. But it was last year. Anyway, let’s do shopping today. I’ll see if my dad can come home early to give me his card.”

  “We can go tomorrow after school if you want and just hang out today. You can come to my house or I can come to yours.”

  Having someone with me in our house sounded like just what I needed. Plus, her mind seemed to have skipped right over Brooke and Chris. “Yeah, come over today,” I said. Distractions that had absolutely nothing to do with Brooke were a good thing.

  In class after lunch, I swear I could feel Brooke’s eyes on me. I wanted to turn and look to see if she was staring, but I wouldn’t let myself. I pulled up the collar of my shirt to cover the chain, happy she hadn’t noticed. As soon as I get home I’ll take it off and never put it back on. Through the rest of class I stared straight ahead, focusing on what Mrs. Stratford said. Lewis and Clark would become fascinating to me, no matter what.

  Susanna and I had the house to ourselves; when her mom dropped us off, she didn’t ask if anyone would be home and we didn’t say otherwise. Her mom was cool, so she probably wouldn’t have cared anyway.

  We went up to my room and turned on the TV. Susanna lay on my bed and I changed into stretchy pants and a T-shirt. I slipped the treasure box off my neck and into a dish with old junk jewelry in my closet. Time to move on.

  For fun we watched the Disney Channel, cutting jokes about the bad acting and lame story lines and saying we couldn’t believe we used to like that stuff. We watched three shows in a row.

  “Where’s your brother?” Susanna asked, a slight smile on her face.

  “Who cares,” I said. “Probably off making someone else’s life miserable.”

  “If he comes home we’re totally hanging out with him.”

  “Please,” I said. “He barely let Brooke be in his presence and he liked her.” I ignored the pang, remembering Josh’s back-handed compliment that, although I only had one friend, at least she was halfway cool.

  “So, what? You’re saying he wouldn’t like me?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying,” I said, keeping my eyes on the TV.

  “He just needs a chance to get to know me, that’s all.”

  “You’re so gross,” I said.

  Susanna hopped down from the bed and walked into my closet. “Got any cute stuff I can borrow? Clothes, scarves, accessories?”

  “Don’t know,” I said. “You can check.”

  I felt tired and a bit out of it as another laugh track—heavy show started.

  “Hey, mind if I borrow this?” she called.

  Without taking my eyes off the TV, I said, “Take whatever you want. I don’t care.”

  Because I didn’t care. Not about much of anything.

  Later that night, after Dad told me I could borrow his card to go shopping the next day and after we’d taken Susanna home, Josh came into my room, looking angry and a little bit freaked out.

  “Did you hear?” he asked.

  “Hear what?” I asked.

  He shifted his weight, leaning on the doorframe. Josh and I rarely spoke, especially since he’d been out so much lately, and my heart picked up speed wondering what it could be that would make him come to me in my room.

  “About Mom.”

  “What about her?” I asked, a sick feeling
sinking into my stomach. Visions of Mom hurt raced through my head.

  “I don’t know if Mom and Dad are going to tell you this, but I thought you’d want to know. The reason why they split up.” I stared at him, my mouth becoming dry. “Did you know Mom was married before she and Dad met?”

  “No—I mean, yes. I remember hearing her mention it once.” It was like this weird, far-off thought almost like a dream, of my mother’s former life.

  One evening a few years ago, my parents had two other couples over for dinner. I remember peeking into the dining room when they thought I was in bed and seeing picked over food dishes and several empty wine bottles. Dad and the other husbands were out back smoking cigars while Mom and the wives were giggling at the table. Someone said something about being terrible with cars, and Mom said, “Sounds like my ex-husband.”

  I asked her about it the next day. She looked surprised, but then said, “Oh, honey. That was a lifetime ago. Long before I met your father.” I mostly forgot about it after that, mainly because it seemed so unreal, a concept my seven-year-old self couldn’t grasp.

  Josh said to me, “Well, apparently she went back to him. That’s why they’re splitting up. Because Mom went back to her first husband.”

  I let those words wash over me, trying to understand what he was saying, even though he used the simplest terms. Mom left Dad for her first husband, some guy I’d never met, never seen a picture of, whose name I didn’t even know, but who clearly existed and was important enough in my mother’s life that she never gave him up.

  “Sorry to tell you such terrible news,” Josh said. “I just figured you had a right to know.”

  I stared at my brother, his eyebrows pulled together and his jaw set. I wondered how he found out. I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know more. I wondered what I was supposed to do with this new information. It’s not like I could ask Dad about it. And I doubted this was something even Susanna would understand. I thought of Brooke and her perfect family, and I actually wished I could go to her house for the night and let her mom—her normal, caring, giving mom—fuss over us as we made a mess in the kitchen or watched some reality show she knew all the people’s names to.

  In bed that night, I lay with my eyes wide open. My mind didn’t know what to focus on, so it raced between thoughts of Mom, some ex-husband, how Dad must feel, why Josh told me, and Brooke. It always went back to Brooke and how she was doing, what she thought of me, and how she would have slept over, even though it was a school night, if we were still friends.

  What does it mean when so many things happen at once that your heart doesn’t know what to feel? I started to wonder if I’d become an android. I wished I had. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this stuff, and when I couldn’t go to sleep, I’d just turn myself off.

  26 BROOKE

  YOU’RE GOING TO THE DANCE, RIGHT?” Corrine asked at lunch on Tuesday.

  I hadn’t thought much about it. Thinking about the dance reminded me of the last dance I went to, and I didn’t want to relive that (even though I already had, in detail, about fifteen million times).

  “Are you guys going?”

  I decided to buy my lunch that day since they were having hamburgers and fries. I figured, how bad can you mess that up? Turns out pretty badly. I had to go back for extra ketchup packets to drown out the taste of the hamburger meat.

  “Of course,” Lily said. “I love dances. Everyone is looking their best, the guys look cute, there’s good music, and if we’re lucky, some sort of food. What’s not to love?”

  Corrine rolled her eyes and said, “Horrible ritual, but I abide by society standards. So yes, I will be there.”

  “It’s gonna be fun!” Lily said. “Our first big dance. We can’t miss it.”

  Creating new school dance memories seemed like a good idea, plus staying home alone sounded like a bad idea. “Okay. I’m in.”

  “Hooray!” Lily said, and Corrine and I both smiled at her enthusiasm.

  I waited for one of them to say we should all get dressed together, or at least ride together, but neither mentioned it. It was still a few days away, though, so I told myself not to obsess over it like I was so good at doing with other things.

  “Can I wear jeans?” I asked.

  “No!” Lily said, horrified.

  “We totally should,” Corrine said.

  “No! You guys!” Lily said. “Dresses!”

  Corrine and I looked at each other, then started fake vomiting. Just as I put my head between my knees and convulsed, Susanna appeared behind us. “Hey there, guys!” she said brightly. “Oh my god! Are you okay? Can I get you some water or something?”

  My heart raced as she stood before us, practically sticking her chest out for the world to see as she pulled on a long necklace around her neck. She dropped the necklace onto her chest, and I froze when I saw it. There Susanna stood, wearing the necklace I gave Madeline three years ago—the little treasure box I’d gotten in Colorado. I’d always felt like it represented our friendship. That we’d do anything for each other, and that we’d always be friends. My happiness plummeted, and a new rage built up inside me.

  “Do you guys have any ketchup?” Susanna asked all innocentlike. “No? Okay, no biggie. Thanks!” She grabbed the treasure box and roughly twisted it before slinging it over her shoulder so that it rested on her back in full view as she walked away.

  “What was that all about?” Corrine asked.

  I could feel the tears start to well up. I couldn’t take my eyes off Susanna as she plopped back down at her table. Madeline didn’t react—she didn’t look at me or say anything to Susanna. She was stone cold.

  “I hate her,” I said. In my mind I meant Madeline, but I also really, really disliked Susanna right then. How could Madeline like someone who was so petty and mean?

  “What’s going on?” Corrine asked.

  “That necklace she was wearing,” I said. “It’s the one I gave to Madeline. It’s just . . .” How could I explain how important that necklace was and what it meant? Did it mean nothing to her? Was I stupid because it meant so much to me? “It’s just really special, that’s all. I can’t believe she’d let Susanna wear it.”

  Corrine said, “Those girls are so catty.”

  “Why would she do that?” Lily said, who sounded on the verge of tears herself.

  I shook my head and took a deep breath. No way was I going to cry in the middle of the cafeteria. Corrine and Lily both patted my back.

  “Brooke, I’m so sorry,” Lily said.

  I almost laughed. “Don’t you apologize.”

  “Well, I just mean, I feel bad.”

  I smiled. “I know. It’s okay. And thanks.”

  “Let’s get out of here,” Corrine said.

  “Totally,” I agreed.

  We got our stuff and followed Corrine out of the cafeteria, except she headed right for Susanna and Madeline’s table. I followed her blindly, frightened and fascinated at what she would do.

  She stopped right at their table and said, “Susanna! Hey!” in the same false tone Susanna had used. “Nice necklace! It complements that zit on your chin.”

  I was stunned, speechless, and immobile. Luckily Corrine hooked her arm through mine and pulled me out of the cafeteria. I leaned into her, and she leaned back, almost like we were supporting each other. Or maybe she was solely supporting me.

  27 MADELINE

  I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON UNTIL Corrine said what she said to Susanna. I didn’t know she was wearing my necklace. I’d never have let her borrow it if she’d asked, but I guess the other day I told her to take whatever she wanted. Seeing it dangling around her neck made me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t just a necklace to me, it was our friendship—mine and Brooke’s. But now Susanna made it seem cheap and mean.

  Right before it happened, I had noticed Susanna by Brooke’s table, but I hadn’t really paid attention. When she sat down at our table, I thought she had looked smug, but she just started unpac
king her lunch like nothing had happened.

  And afterwards? She just went back to eating her lunch. Cold-blooded.

  “Susanna.” That was all I said because I couldn’t even form more words. I was so angry with her and upset for how she’d probably made Brooke feel. I mean, how could she do that? She knew how much that necklace meant to me. I’d told her the first day I met her.

  Susanna smiled and said, “You’re welcome.”

  “What’s going on?” Julia asked.

  I ignored the other girls’ looks and said, “Give it back to me.”

  “Do not overreact,” Susanna said. “It was just a little prank to get a rise out of her.”

  “What prank? You guys, tell us,” Julia said.

  I held out my hand. “Give it back now.”

  Susanna narrowed her eyes at me. “Fine.” She took it off and tossed it across the table to me. “It’s cheap anyway. I think it turned my neck green.”

  I picked up my necklace and carefully put it in my pocket.

  I didn’t say anything else for the rest of lunch. Words physically would not come out of my mouth, even if I’d been able to form them in my head. It was like the night before, when Josh dropped his Mom Bomb, but this was worse because it was on top of that. I considered the fact that maybe I really was becoming an android.

  It took me until Thursday when Susanna and I were shopping alone to say something.

  “I hope everything hasn’t been picked over too much,” Susanna said. She eyed the clothes carefully, pulling out the hems of dresses to get a better look. “This would look so cute on you.” She held up a rich blue one-shoulder dress.

  I took it from her. “Maybe.”

  “Try it on at least.”

  I really didn’t want to get into it. The last thing I wanted was a fight with yet another friend, but I also didn’t think I could let it go.